Educational Experience
by Nilahxapiel
Summary: Crack. Raito and Misa get it on. Ryuuzaki, who is chained to Raito at the time, has something to say about it. Quite a few things, actually.


Title:_Educational Experience_

Rating: T

Categories:Humor/General

Pairing: Crack! Raito x Misa

Warning(s): Very Crackish and there fore OOC. Implied Het sexual situations.

Summary: Crack. Raito and Misa get it on. Ryuuzaki, who is chained to Raito at the time, has something to say about it. Quite a few things, actually.

**Ulforce Diizoid Challenge**: While L, Light, Misa and the rest of the NPA are staying in the fancy hotel built for them, Light decides to relieve some stress and have a little fun with Misa. And since L and Light are chained together by the wrist, L has no choice but to be dragged through with it all. Mild humor is supposed to be through out, mostly coming from L commenting while Light and Misa are getting busy.

* * *

"What is Raito-kun doing?"

"I'm a teenage boy…I'm stressed…I need sex, and there is a willing, pretty girl at my disposal. What the hell do you think, Ryuuzaki?"

"I'm just a willing, pretty girl…?" Sniff.

"Uh…who I love very much…"

"Yay!" Kiss. "Mmmn…"

"Misa-san sounds like she's enjoying a very tasty cake."

"Shut up, Ryuuzaki." _Ziiiippp_.

"That's not very polite, Raito-kun."

"Mind your own business."

"Raito-kun has decided to have sex directly beside me. I believe this was made my business about 13 seconds ago, approximately the moment when you unzipped your pants."

"Then you should -leave! You -Perv, Ryuu-_zaki_!" Pant.

"I cannot. The rest of the task force is sleeping, and I would have to watch on the camera anyway."

"Whatever…"

"Whatever!? You don't mind, Raito!?"

"Misa. If you don't want to, then that's fine. But we might not ever get this chance again."

"F-Fine, then…"

__

A few moments later…

"Ryuuzaki, I can't get my shirt off completely with the chain on."

"Yes, that is correct, Raito-kun."

"You don't care at all, do you?"

"Yes, that is correct, Raito-kun."

Sigh. Ruffle. Squeak. "Do you have a condom…?"

"Of course! Misa Misa will get it right away."

Thump thump. Slam. Bam. Thump thump.

"Shouldn't Raito-kun be worried at all about the reason _why _she has a contraceptive device so accessible to her?"

"Like I care, Ryuuzaki? I just don't want to be burdened with child-support."

Thump thump thud thump. Crash. Squeal. Thump

"Raito-kun is a dead beat dad."

"I'm not a dad at all, and I don't plan on being one anytime soon. That's the point."

"This is a strange conversation to be having, given the current situation."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, do you want to tell your future children that you discussed having them with your male friend, who was chained to you, while you were sitting almost entirely naked beside him?"

"Ah. That is a rather good point."

"Yes, I thought so too, Raito-kun."

"Misa Misa is back! With two condoms!"

"Two…?" Both boys. Simultaneous.

"I have an Extra large and a regular, 'cause I don't know how big you are."

Chuckled. "You should throw away the 'extra large', Misa-san…"

"Eh!? Ryuuzaki pervert!"

"The hell, Ryuuzaki?"

"Please, Raito-kun, we shower together. I know how big you are."

"NO TALKING ABOUT SHOWERING TOGETHER WHEN I'M ABOUT TO MAKE LOVE WITH MY RAITO!" Shouting. High-pitched. Ow.

"…Please, make her stop talking, Raito-kun…"

"Now that I can do."

"Hey! That's not -!…oh…"

Many heated, slick noises.

"Is that supposed to go in there?"

"Shut up, Ryuuzaki." Growl. Annoyed.

"Just a question, Raito-kun, no need to be rude about it. It just doesn't seem like that part of that anatomy going into that particular orifice would be pleasant at all."

"Which, Ryuuzaki, is why you're a virgin."

"…Oh. That was low. Possibility of being Kira up 5 percent due to malice."

"Stop…talking…!" Panting. Misa. Low.

__

A few moments later…

"Is that suppose to make that sound?"

"Yes…Ryuuzaki, it is."

"I see. And are condoms supposed to look like the kind of balloons that clowns use at birthday parties?"

Giggle. "You know, Raito, they kinda do…"

More slick noise. Thumb-biting noises. Huffing. Sweating. Movement.

"That leg position doesn't see natural."

"Please, like you're…one to talk…"

Gasps. Shudders. Pleas. Misa.

More movement. More thumb-biting. Toe rubbing. Other anatomy rubbing. More noises.

A scream.

"She screamed, Raito-kun."

"I…heard…Ryuuzaki.."

"…That's not very compassionate. It sounded painful. Doesn't that mean you should stop?"

"Let's…ask. Misa…do you want me…to _stop…?"_

"Stop and I'll _kill _you!" Legs. Fingers. Holding. Faster movements.

"Was that a confession to being second Kira?"

"NO!" Both Raito and Misa.

"See? It wasn't _pain…_ it was…_pleasure…_" Harder. Another scream.

"There is very little difference in the sound, Raito-kun. That is rather confusing."

Sounds. Sharp breaths. Faster. Hair. Tug.

"Oh god!" Pleasure filled. Shout. Misa.

"Now that's just strange."

"_What, _Ryuuzaki?" Husky. Breathy. Raito.

"That just _has _to be painful."

"That's sort of…. the point…. She likes it though… Most people do…"

"Really? Pain heightens the pleasure. Seems very contradictory to me, Raito-kun."

Fasterharderdeeper. Screams. Shouts. Arching. Orgasm. Misa. Thrust. Groan. Orgasm. Raito.

Laughter. Short chuckles. Deep. Ryuuzaki.

Annoyed looks.

Panting. Sweating. Misa passes out.

More laughter. Louder. Shaking shoulders. Glares.

"What is it _now, _Ryuuzaki?"

"Hahahahaha -Raito-kun -you -hahahahahahahahahaha…!" Uncontrollable laughing fit. Side hurting. Thud. Ground. Chain stretched. Continued cackling.

"Talks all through the sex but once the sex is _over, _can he talk? Nooooooo…" Pissed. Crosses arms.

Louder. And louder. And LOUDER.

"Ryuuzaki! What the _hell _is so _funny?_"

"…hahaha…"

"…" Waiting. Tapping foot. Furrowed brow.

"Raito-kun…Raito-kun, you…" Dry, short sniggers. Wide eyes. Teary with humor. Long finger. Pointing. At Raito. "You made the _funniest _face…"

"You -I -what? -Damn it -you can't say that!"

"Don't shout, Raito-kun, Misa-san is sleeping."

"Fuck her! I -"

"I believe Raito-kun already took care of that."

"I hate you."

"So does Kira. Ten percent."

__

Wham.

* * *

**Ulforce Diizoid**: I'm not sure if this is exactly what you were looking for, but I hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless. Please tell me what you think.

Oh, and I pictured the ending as Raito hitting L…in case anyone didn't get that…

I wasn't sure I could do this. (gulp) It was strange for me. Nothing against Misa, but MisaxRaito sex makes my stomach go flip pity flop. Which is why there is very little physical description and why I stuck to mostly dialogue. But if you're into that, then sorry there wasn't enough description, but…um, no.

But this challenge sounded fun. Been a while since I did a fic just for the Crack-ness.

So…um…was it funny? O.o

Nilah


End file.
